Avoid ruinous empathy

A designer once asked me to choose sides in some company drama. I said, “I’m Switzerland, neutral.” They responded, “Nobody likes Switzerland.”

That stung.

I want to be liked. But in order to appear universally likable, I water down my opinions to the point that they offend nobody. What’s worse is that people can sense the fakeness in the sugarcoating. It’s a waste of everyone’s time. I know this because I’ve gotten feedback that I’m too diplomatic, not in a positive way.

Dropping truth bombs is not my style either.

But I do believe in critical feedback. And you cannot give that type of feedback effectively without a foundation of trust. I only give critical feedback to someone once we both understand that it comes from a place of genuine care. The feedback always stings in the moment, but we usually end up in a much better place.

Sometimes it easier (and causes less drama) to just sugarcoat things. The harshest thing I could do is to avoid giving you truthful feedback because I don’t believe in you.

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P.S. What feedback do you have for me? I’m always open to critical, even harsh, feedback. It’s the only way for me to see my blind spots. Let me know anonymously.

P.P.S. If you’d like feedback from me, DM me on my socials. I'll do my best to keep it real.